reverb 10 catch up, part two
I may not get done with all the prompts by the end of the year, but I’m going to get another batch done today! I’m setting a 5-minute timer for each prompt; minimal editing after the fact. The below is what came out!
December 19 – Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?
Taking the prompt literally, my asthma inhaler healed me this year. I was diagnosed in 2009, after I spent most of the spring and summer with bronchitis that turned into pneumonia. But I hate the inhaler. Hate it. Having to breathe in and hold my breath and gargle, swish, and spit twice a day annoys the hell out of me. So I have a tendency to forget about it. But, when I forget about it for too long, I end up with bronchitis again, or at least the beginnings of a cough that’s likely to turn into bronchitis if I’m not careful. So, I’ve been working really hard on using my inhaler on a regular basis. I still hate it, but 2-3 minutes a day will keep me from feeling like death warmed over. I’ll deal with it.
For 2011, we’ll go a little more esoteric. I want to rid myself of the fear that keeps me from trying new things. It’s a flaw, a shortcoming I’ve lived with my whole life. I’ve done a lot of things that other people consider new and scary; a lot of things I personally considered new and scary when I did them! But I keep going back into my shell, back to the feeling that I’m going to fail miserably, that everyone’s going to laugh at me and think I’m a moron. It’s a sensitivity that I don’t like. It feels like a wound that needs healing.
December 20 – Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)
Well, this seems like a natural continuation of the last prompt, doesn’t it? Let’s first continue the medical theme – it’s been far, far too long since I’ve had a full physical. I avoid making doctor’s appointments like the plague. (And dentist’s appointments. Those are worse. Far, far worse, because my teeth are a mess. But I’m deathly afraid of ending up with a partial mouth full of teeth like my father, so I need to get over that fear!) I managed to finally make appointments with an allergy and asthma specialist, but that’s really the only doctor-related thing I accomplished this year. I need to make a list and make those appointments this year.
One of the reasons – a stupid reason – I avoid doctor’s appointments is that I don’t like getting on scales right now. I’ve gained weight back since I lost 50 pounds a few years ago. I hate it. But, thanks to inertia or laziness or whatever you want to call it, I haven’t been able to get myself moving to lose the weight again. I’m determined, though. I’ve been looking at pictures of myself recently and cringing. I was once 25 pounds lighter than I am right now, not so long ago! And I’m 35-ish pounds away from my ultimate goal weight. I’ve done it before, I can lose weight again. I just need to stop eating horribly and start working out again. The asthma deterred me from working out for a good portion of the last two years; now that my breathing is under control, I don’t have that excuse. I need to lose weight. Period.
December 21 – Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)
Advice to Jaime, age 34, from Jaime, age 39:
When you’re staring down the barrel of 40, you know you don’t want to be thinking the same thing you thought at age 29. “Thank god this decade is over. Maybe I’ll be happier in the next one.” You don’t want to regret all those missed opportunities. So what are you waiting for? Finish a novel, submit it to agents. Get rejected, get better, try again. Maybe you’ll be published at 39, maybe you won’t. But you want to be able to say you’re a better writer by now, and you want to be able to say you’ve tried.
Join a dating site. Chat up someone at a con or a concert. Go on some dates with some guys. Maybe they’ll work, maybe they won’t. The experience is what matters. And if you don’t try, nothing will ever happen, right?
You know yourself. You think you don’t, but you do. You know you want experiences, adventures. You need to find a good balance of adventure and nesting. Stability is good, stability gives you the base to have adventures. You’re a little too stable right now, though. Knock yourself off the ledge a little bit. Fall. Fly. Do something that will give you a good story to tell five years from now.
(As for the bonus … well, I’d give my younger self much the same advice, with an assurance that things do get better, that friends and fun are out there waiting. And a nudge to have better conversations with Susan while I can. And a loud, capital-letter-shouting plea to “GET HELP. GO SEE A THERAPIST. GET MEDICATED. TRUST ME.”)
December 22 – Travel. How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?
I didn’t travel as much this year as I have in years past – or, I guess, I didn’t travel to as many different places! I usually go on more concert road trips; this year, we went to Chicago and Detroit for a-ha and Butch Walker this spring, but I think that’s it … I don’t even remember going to Iowa this year, like we usually do at some point or another! I miss road trips. They’re always an adventure worth remembering, no matter what happens. We already have one concert road trip planned – to Des Moines to see My Chemical Romance in April – but I’d like to plan more. Wisconsin, Chicago, maybe somewhere farther afield? Concerts make me happy. Road trips make me happy. Money is occasionally an issue, but that can be planned for. More road trips in 2011!
I love flying. But, in 2010, I mostly just flew to St. Louis, a trip that really doesn’t excite me – I do love seeing my dad and my friends there, but I’ve made that trip 2-3 times a year for the last thirteen years. Other than Missouri, I only flew to Tampa (for The Rock Boat) and to San Francisco this year. San Francisco was an awesome adventure; a last-minute trip to a city I’d never been to before. I want more trips like that in the coming year! I have one great travel adventure planned for 2011 … Kate and I plan to go to London in August, to celebrate our upcoming 35th birthdays. I haven’t been to London in 18 years; I went on a 21 day whirlwind tour of Europe when I was 16, but only got to spend 3 days in London. At least a day and a half of that was spent jet-lagged, as it was our first stop, and my very first plane trip to boot! I’ve wanted to go back and spend more time in London ever since; I’m so glad we finally sat down and said “yes, we’re doing it!”
Otherwise, I want to visit at least one city in the US that I’ve either never been to or haven’t yet had a chance to explore properly. It’s a goal!
… more later. Now, it’s time to get ready for our New Year’s Eve party! Friends, laughter, drinks, video games, bad movies … we’ve rung in the New Year this way for three years running, and it always feels like a happy, positive way to kick off another cycle. If I don’t get back to this yet today, I hope everyone reading has a marvelous New Year!